I was thinking about this as I was listening to my iPod this morning. and the song "High and Dry" came on. At first the manic-teacher brain that I have thought, "Hey! Here's another idiom to add to our list" (it is hard to shut off this part of my brain even on beautiful days off like today). But then I started thinking about the meaning of the song itself. Now, before I go any further I should say that I don't know what the song is REALLY about. I haven't read any articles on the songwriter's intention or inspiration for the lyrics (yes, I do tend to read articles on this kind of subject). As a writer myself, I don't like to presume I know the meaning behind another author's words. But like most people, I tend to give song lyrics my own spin of meaning based on my own life experiences. And "High and Dry" really struck me as relevant to my life.
This past year I have had the wool pulled over my eyes yet again in my personal life. I have written about this in several blog posts and don't want to rehash how betrayed I felt. Instead, I now find myself looking back at the year and realizing that the person who let me down is actually the one losing out. I wonder if he is reaping the consequences of the seeds he has sown (ok, mixed idioms there...anything to paint a clear picture)? Just like Thom Yorke and the boys in Radiohead sing, it seems to me like my former friend is now learning to live his life without my friendship:
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had,
The best thing you have had is gone away
Kill yourself for recognition
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not
When I looked back at my past relationships, I used to see myself as the one who was left. I was the one who was the victim, and the other person was the one with all of the power. But something strange has happened. Somehow, I now find myself actually feeling sorry for the people who have left my life because I know that if it hasn't hit them yet, it will very soon. They are going to feel what it's like to not have a faithful and loyal friend like me in their corner. They are going to realize that now I'm one of the people who doesn't trust them. I don't wish them ill (because try as I might, I can't stop loving a person once my heart has been committed to the friendship or romantic relationship). But I no longer will go out of my way to support or encourage their dreams. While they are still working on attaining their selfish goals, I am looking to help and support and have fun with my loyal friends who have my best interests at heart.
Another way that this song with its idiomatic title parallels my life experience lately is that just like every idiom ever spoken, it has two very distinct meanings. The literal meaning of this song is straightforward and easy to decipher. The singer is first pleading not to be left and then telling his friend that he soon will be left. The figurative meaning is debated on the internet. I have seen meanings ranging from one lover taking another for granted to selling your soul by not living an authentic life. Just as my kids giggled at the literal meaning of "hold your horses",I found these interpretations amusing because of the certainty in which they are written. Each of these internet posters are so convinced that their meaning is the correct one that they belittle the thoughts of other responders. But that is how my interpretation of these lapsed relationships must have sounded to others. "Oh, he does care about me. He would call if only..." "I don't believe he would be mean to me on purpose." My naive viewpoint of these relationships were just as limited and "certain" as some of these internet comments. NOW I can see the true meaning of the actions of these people. NOW I realize that I was too trusting and too willing to see these people in a positive light instead of seeing what is so clear to me now: I didn't mean anything to these people. I was a pawn, a means to an end, a way to bolster their lagging self-esteems.
Luckily, I don't have to see these people a lot at all. But a few weeks ago I did come face to face with one of them. I knew I would be seeing him and was feeling nervous and apprehensive about it. Despite knowing better I still had a sliver of hope that we would be able to repair our friendship. Instead of being a decent person and saying hello to me, he just looked in an opposite direction. To tell the truth, it did hurt. But I know in my heart that I'm better off without this person in my life. Although he cut me out of his life, I really believe that he must know by now what its like to not have me as a friend. And I have to believe that the feeling isn't a great one. I would like to say that I would be able to forgive these people if they ever wanted to be a part of my life again. But I don't know if I"m that good of a person. I don't wish them ill but I don't wish myself ill either. Anyway, as my students will be learning this year...
Actions speak louder than words.
The ball is in your court.
It takes two to tango.
But, really? C'mon... it's more likely that Elvis has left the building.
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