I am a habitual planner. It is one of the qualities that I think makes me an effective teacher (APPR system be damned!). This characteristic has always been both a blessing and a curse because of my natural tendencies towards having anxiety. After all when you can't go out with friends unless you plan out your outfit, what you will drink, when you will stop drinking, how you will wear your hair, and all the other things I would obsess about, it can be pretty detrimental. However, for the most part I have always considered my systematic way of thinking as an aide in helping me reach many of the goals I have set for myself. That was until this morning...
Last night I posted on Facebook that I wanted to finally begin a running program to help turn me from the couch potato that I am today into a more healthy person who runs. I have always both admired and pitied runners; admiring their stamina and dedication to a sport and pitying their obvious mental abnormalities (how else do you describe a desire to run in 90 degree weather or in the pouring rain?). But around 2 years ago I decided I that I wanted to join the cult and perhaps run a 5K. So, I began my plan to do just that. I researched the best running shoes and purchased them. I joined a gym that had a running track and began walking. I read blogs about people who were once even more overweight than I was and still managed to run that first 5K plus hundreds of others that followed. I reached out to friends who had the running addiction for motivation. I even had specific playlists planned out for what I planned to be my 3x weekly runs. I did everything a person could possibly do to prepare for a run and then...didn't run.
Well, I did try to run at the gym. Unfortunately, the day I decided to try and run I had planned to do so for 1 minute after walking for 5 minutes (just like the couch to 5K system suggested). But when I started my jogging pace I realized quickly that I couldn't run for longer than 5 seconds. After trying this a few times on the track, I simply gave up. As the other people on the track were walking faster than I was "running", I just shut down and stopped. I put the sneakers aside (because, of course, I planned on using them for running only) and reaffirmed that I would never be able to reach this goal. While I may not have actually said that, subconsciously I believed it. All because I couldn't reach the goal I set for myself for that day (i.e. run for 1 minute).
I felt ashamed and discouraged and decided that this was a goal for other people. You know, other people who were already fit. Other people who were more determined to lose weight. Other people who didn't care what they looked like when they ran. Other people who weren't me. Looking back now, I can't believe how hard I was on myself and how easily I just gave up. I have learned a lot about mindsets lately and how they influence whether or not progress is made in life goals (Mindset by Carol Dweck is a book EVERYONE should read), and it is crystal clear to me that I had a fixed mindset because I believed that I wasn't a runner so I couldn't run. I would never become a runner because I couldn't run. To even try to run was futile because...say it with me...I couldn't run.
I had gone to bed reading many encouraging comments that people had written on my Facebook post and felt quite supported although I still wasn't sure I could do it. Then an incredible thing happened...I woke this morning (about 2 hours before I "planned" to) and said to myself, "I'm going to go for a run." I got up, threw on some clothes, dug out the old running shoes, threw a headband on, took the dogs out, stretched for a few minutes, and off I went. I began walking briskly and then I started running. OK, it was only for 10 seconds once again but after a few more minutes of walking I did it again. I worked up to 20 seconds of running which to me felt like I did a 5 minute mile (I'm assuming that is a good pace...haven't researched it yet). While it was a small accomplishment, to me it was such an important lesson that NIKE tried to teach me years ago: Just Do It! Instead of "trying" to run, I am GOING to run. Whether it is for 20 seconds, 20 minutes, or 20 miles, it will happen.
As long as I can fight that part of me that insists on planning out every detail out to the last minute, then I know that I will reach my goal of running a 5K. With my incredible friends in my corner, how can I lose?
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