Memories

It's been quite a while since my last blog post, and I wish the need to write this one didn't exist. I'm trying to summon up the courage to attend the wake of a friend who died much too soon. His wife is someone who was a great friend for many of my most formative years, my twenties.  She was one of the kindest and most supportive people I had ever met. Our first interaction was in a bar where I was sitting on my own waiting on a friend. She was, as usual, surrounded by friends who were laughing and having a great time. I had just begun teaching at a school where she was was working and I assumed she didn't recognize me. But I was wrong. She not only recognized me but called me over to join her group. I remember feeling so surprised that a) she knew my name and b) she wanted me to be included in her group. My surprise that night was transformed into delight that we had so much in common (i.e. A wicked sense of humor) and led to our friendship that flourished over the next decade.

My friend and her husband seemed to always be in my memories from that time period. The night OJ made his infamous white van run I was with them preparing to go to a retirement party for our colleague. My first adult trip to New York City was with them celebrating New Year's Eve.  My first overnight trip in Saratoga? They were with me celebrating the wedding of another colleague. They threw me a surprise 30th birthday party in their home (he lied to me and told me it was for her and I worried the whole time because I knew she did NOT want a party). Some of my saddest memories from that time period also had both of them present as we gathered to support coworkers over the sudden and tragic loss of their family members. We were there to support each other and with our other friends formed a strong sense of belonging.

Their wedding was one of my happiest (although admittedly drunken) days of my life up to that point. They were to me the perfect couple and not in the sickeningly sweet sort of way. No, I saw them have arguments and totally disagree on topics. I witnessed their struggle to conceive which could have destroyed them. I never felt like she was my friend, and he was "just" her husband. He became as dear to me as she was and often when we were out together he would be the one I would sit next to in order to discuss our beloved Yankees. They were the perfect couple because they were whole without the other. But they knew that they were stronger together. Now my dear friend has to face living her life without him.

Over the past decade or so, we have fallen out of touch. I left that school district ( although ironically I now am back although in a different school) and I guess life just happened.  I'd follow the joy their kids gave them through the years on social media but fell out of touch with them. When I heard about his death, my heart sank, and the world seemed a little darker. It was like the years apart were gone, and all that was left was a heavy blanket of sadness. As useless as any words of solace or comfort might be at this time, I am going to go and offer them anyway. As helpless as I feel, I'm going to offer any assistance I can. The song "Circle of Life" says
                           

                               It's the wheel of fortune
                               It's the leap of faith
                               It's the band of hope
                              Till we find our place
                              On the path unwinding
                              In the circle, the circle of life.

I will honor friendship that always made me feel like I belonged all the while wishing the circle of life for my dear friends could have continued for many more years. Rest In Peace, Al.