Instead, I'd like to start of 2017 with some reflection on the past year. It was a year that was full of lessons for me as most years are. In the spirit of this blog's title, I'm going to try and sort through those lessons and mine the gems of truth that I will use to guide my life this year. So, here we go:
Lesson 1: Loyalty should only be given when earned. I was very unhappy at the end of 2015. I made the choice to leave a job where I had great friends and true partners in teaching. The direction in which my school was going was more towards "showing off" a growth mindset rather than truly instilling it and encouraging it in our students and faculty. The negativity in those hallways seeped into my soul and made my leaving an eventuality. And of course, the district I was leaving wasn't going to make it easy for me to make this transition. Instead of doing what was best for all involved and ending my tenure at the Christmas break, I was forced to work yet another week into the new year. Was this to help make a smooth transition for a new teacher? No. I really feel that it was just to make sure my contract was followed to the t. Regardless, I fulfilled my duties and did everything I could to make the transition to whichever teacher they would eventually hire as smooth as possible. I felt guilty about leaving my "kids" behind but knew that I was making the right decision for me. I went out of my way to explain my reasons for leaving to the superintendent who basically said to me that he hoped I knew what I was getting myself into by going to my new district. I showed loyalty to the last minute although I felt quite disloyal for leaving in the middle of a school year. I shudder to think what my life would be like now if I had let that misplaced feeling dictate my decision. As hard as it was to leave midyear, any loyalty that district had engendered in me was destroyed by the toxicity of the lack of respect for faculty members. In 2017 I will only be loyal to those people and places that have earned it.
Lesson 2: Your thoughts will alter your reality. I knew going into my new teaching position that it was going to be a rough ride. The kids have been taught for two months with a parade of substitutes who did their best to maintain some semblance of order. When I started I was tested daily by misbehaviors and disrespect shown by a majority of the class. They were 7 year olds who were afraid to make a connection with me for fear that I would be leaving them as well. It made me think about the older kids I had left behind ,and I willed their new teacher the strength to withstand their tests. But I refused to let any of this get me down. I was finally teaching primary kids again and I was determined to do my all to make the second half of their year as productive and positive as possible. I daily made the decision to be as positive as possible and slowly but surely the kids responded. That class is still among the top three toughest classes I have ever had to teach, but they taught me so much. I experienced kids who cursed me out like I have never experienced before (even from adults); kids who told me they hated me daily yet continued to engage in my lessons; kids who became truly upset on the days I was out because the routine was suddenly gone again. I learned that these kids are the ones who truly need me. And in order for me to be there for them, I would need to make the decision daily to start with a clean slate and view our work in a positive light. As a result the first six months of 2016 resulted in me being the happiest I have been in a long time. In 2017 I will make the daily decision to be positive and to start each day with a clean slate.
Lesson 3: You can choose happiness. This lesson goes hand in hand with the previous one. My default position in the past was to dwell on what was lacking in my life. Whether it was my single status or my mismanagement of finances, in the past my inner voice would always drift to the sad state of my life. I think some of this is an inherited trait, one long practiced by many members of my immediate family. I'm not sure what event in 2016 taught me this lesson directly. I think the fact that I was able to not only survive but thrive during the first 6 months in my new position was a large part of this learning. But I think the biggest influence was my work with my therapist on the topic of mindfulness. 2016 was the year I started to try living more in the moment and letting the future take care of itself. The anxiety that had plagued me in the past was now being controlled not by medication but by my own actions. When I chose to really let go of my fears, and instead just breathe into the moment I really did feel better. The brief work I've done with meditating has also helped me choose peace and contentment over fear and anxiety. I plan on expanding my meditative process in order to continue to choose happiness in the face of adversity. In 2017 I will decide to reset my happiness on a daily basis.
Lesson 4: Death can remind you what is really important in your life. 2016 really took away so many wonderful people in the public arena. It seemed like any kid like me who grew up in the 1980s was spending so much time mourning the loss of favorites like Prince, George Michael, David Bowie, and Gene Wilder just to name a few. I have had close friends lose their aunts, sisters, and fathers, and wives this year. Whether it was sudden or expected, each death ripped through the lives of my friends and changed each and every one of them. Personally, my own family lost not one but two members. My cousins lost not only their funny and incredibly kind father, Giuseppe, but then only 7 months later lost their loving mother, Maria. Their lives have been shaken up and changed in so many ways. I pray that they will find the strength to remember the good times with less pain each day. I know that they will never take any member in our family for granted. It makes me sad to think about how little I visited in their last years. For me, I know that my trips to Rochester where my aunt and uncle lived will never be the same. What I have learned about death this past year is that it reminds you what you loved about the people you lost. It also gives you the opportunity to reflect on the qualities you loved about the people (whether you knew them or not) and try to engender those qualities yourself. For instance, I think both Bowie and Prince will be remembered for their pioneering spirits. I believe that my love for their outrageous choices in music has helped me appreciate the same creativity in other artists. It also has helped me to appreciate the creative streak in myself. My Zio Peppino's love of laughter and friendly nature will live on through his grandchildren. I will look at them with new eyes as they develop the traits they inherited. My Zia Maria's love of family reminds me of my own love for all of my family and how the time to express it is NOW. In 2017 I will not wait until death calls to spend more time with the people I love.
I know that if I thought about it for longer I could come up with lots more lessons. But I think these four lessons can help guide me through anything that 2017 may bring. I wish all of you peace and happiness in this upcoming year.
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