Sunday, February 14, 2016

Mama Can't Buy You Love

So, Valentine's Day has never been my favorite day.  Despite the life-long romantic that I am, it has never been a day of much joy for me even when I did have a lover in my life (Now the day after Valentine's Day sale on chocolates? That day always brought me much joy!). But it's funny, this year is different.  I mean I'm not in a romantic relationship...in fact, I'm still nursing a broken heart from an unrequited love relationship.  And while it still makes me sad at times when I realize he never felt anything for me beyond friendship, I still am quite...well, happy with my life.  I woke up this morning and realized that even though my former friend no longer speaks to me, I actually have lots of love in my life.  Here is the short list:

     1. I love my new job.  It is hard, challenging, and exhausting most days but the quality of my life 
         has improved 110% since I left my old district.  I suspected the toxic environment and lack of 
         respect from the administrators was affecting my outlook on life and I was so right. Yet, one
         month in I can honestly say that my home/work balance is so much more even now.  I still work
         as hard but now I take the time to play hard too.  

     2. I have the craziest and eclectic family around.  Often, I stick out like a sore thumb around my 
         relatives like a single shamrock in a field of mediterranean roses. Yet, I know that every one of
         them has my back.  I have cousins spread out from Connecticut to Rochester to Antillo, Italy 
         and every one of them would give me the shirt off their backs (a few of them have done that 
         literally when I packed wrong).  And on the subject of family...

     3. My incredible mother, Miss Ellie, is still around and as spunky as ever.  Physically, she is doing
         well despite her crippling arthritis.  Even though her mind is slowly betraying her, she still is the
         one person I trust more than anyone else in this world.  I know how blessed I am to still have 
         her in my life at my age.  

     4. As eclectic as my family is they don't compare to the mosaic of friends I have collected through
         the years.  I am lucky enough to still be in contact with friends from elementary, high school,
         and college.  There are groups of people I still have contact with in each of the 5 school districts
         in which I have worked. Some of them are grandmothers and grandfathers; others are parents
         of newborns; and others are empty nesters.  Many of them are years away from parenthood and
         some are only a few years away from retiring.  Their interests range from running to painting to 
         rock climbing, and their political leanings go from Donald Trump all the way to Bernie Sanders.
         Each of these friends have helped me make beautiful memories like going to an actual "high 
         tea" to watch Downton Abbey, going to NYC for New Year's Eve, traveling to England, 
         entering our dogs into a costume contest, and going to the US Open. I look forward to the future
         with these friends by my side.

     5.  Music is a huge part of my life, and yesterday marked the return of my guitar lessons.  I'm now
          playing an electric guitar which I absolutely love to do.  Music has always been the salve of 
          my life and it makes me so happy to be able to play some of the songs that have helped me 
          through the true tough times of my life.  

     6.  One of my biggest regrets is that I have not had children.  While I"m still not ruling out 
          adoption, I realize that at 48 it is a dream I may have to let go of.  But despite that sad 
          thought I have the awesome gift of a beautiful niece who I first met when she was only an
          hour old.  She has always been the best thing in my life ever since she was born 15 years ago.
          So, while I don't have a child of my own I do have a niece who seems to be "okay" with 
          spending time with me.  Even saying her name makes me smile.  She literally is my walking,
          talking, and singing heart.  I couldn't love her or be more proud of her if she was my own child.

My life isn't perfect and yes, I still wish the man I love returned my feelings.  But on this day of love I know how lucky I am.  And even though my mama can't buy me love, she didn't raise a fool.  I am going to celebrate the love I do have in my life.  Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.





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