Some Days Are Better Than Others

I'm not one to brag about my personal characteristics.  But I am going to break a modesty habit for today's blog.  Here it goes: I have been blessed with great hair.  My father had tight black curly hair which my younger sister inherited much to her chagrin (although I envy it) while my mother has straight brown hair.   My older sister has the beautiful thick hair (from Dad) which is now not grey but a brilliant white color. She went grey pretty early on, but I still only have patches of grey which of course, I vainly cover up like clockwork every 5 or 6 weeks.  I feel I am lucky because I got the best of both worlds:  I have always had wavy hair that I could style in just about anyway I pleased.

My hair is very easily straightened (brushing it is all that needs to be done) but I rarely like to wear it that way.  I have little use for a blow dryer because air drying my hair is often enough to create a nice style.  My fingers, some styling gel, and about 3 minutes are all I really need to do before letting it set into a style.  Since I tend to shower at night and wash my hair about 3x a week, I often sleep on the styled hair and wake up with a completely different style! Bed head is very real in my case, but the difference is that I can shape the bed head into a nice style with just a little wax.  I never know how my hair is going to turn out.  Sometimes I part it to the left, other days to the right.  My current hair cut has spiky parts on top but within a week or so those spikes will curl over giving it more volume and a completely different look. My love of accessories extends to headbands and barrettes which I use a lot of time to give myself yet another new look.  Out of a month there are maybe two or three days that I truly don't feel like my hair looks good.  

Currently, I have short spiky blue hair with a black base.  I'm sick of the blue, but everyone else seems to really like it (but then again those who don't like it are probably just not vocal about it).  I experiment with color and cut all the time.  I had the trendy grey/blue hair earlier in the school year and have worn the pixie hair cut many times in the past.  The one thing I have learned through all of this experimentation is that no matter how good or how bad I think my hair looks, it will change before long.  Since my hair grows pretty quickly, bad haircuts (which have been rare, thank God) can be overcome within a week or so.  Now, just like everyone else I can never get my hair style to look like how my beautician styles it but that's okay with me.  I would rather have the options that my hair gives me than to know only one way to style it.  

So, why have I spent 3 paragraphs pontificating about a topic as insignificant as my hair after not writing for a few months? Well, I just wish that I could approach all the challenges in my life the same way that I approach a particular bad morning of bed head.  While these past 3 months have been filled with lots of professional happiness (love teaching second grade!) and personal contentment, there have been some issues with which I have struggled.  And even though the (not so) great Ivana Trump has said "Gorgeous hair is the best revenge", I actually think that the way I approach styling my hair holds some better lessons for life in general:

          1. Be prepared for changes that happen overnight.  

              Sometimes I go to bed absolutely hating the way my hair has dried, but when I wake up the

              next morning I'm able to style it really easily and vice versa.  Change can happen in your life

              without much effort on your part and can seemingly hit you from out of the blue.  But if you 

              take a little time, breathe, experiment, and be confident  in your abilities, you can take the   

              changes and make them work for you.  

          2. Don't make things complicated by overthinking.  

               I have bought and thrown away every kind of hair tool possible: round brushes, paddle

               brushes, picks, wide combs, velcro rollers, etc.  In the end, my own fingers and a little

               gel is all I need to make a variety of styles.  I'm always trying to overthink and complicate

               seemingly simple situations by contriving long fanciful narratives to explain why an event

               has or hasn't happened.  "He hasn't contacted me.  Well, he must have been put off with my 

               last email and thought that it all just isn't worth it.  He is probably hooking up with a more

               sophisticated lady who is a better match for him than I am.   I don't know  why I ever 

              thought he was interested." This inner dialogue is often accompanied with a pinch of shame

              and lots of regret.  In reality, the only nugget of truth in that narrative is "He hasn't con-

              tacted me."  Although this makes me feel sad, I don't have to put myself down to accept it.  

          3. Accept what is instead of longing for what was.

               My hair is easiest to style when it is a little dirty.  Often on these days I can style my hair

               exactly as I envision it in my head.  The only problem is that the day when my hair is 

               dirtiest is the night I have to wash it...which means it will look completely different the next

               day.  And the more I try to get my hair to look like it did the day before, the worse it looks.  

               So good or bad,  I don't even try to have the same look two days in a row. This acceptance

               is something that I continually struggle with in other areas of my life.  I am trying to "roll  

               with it" (as the great Stevie Winwood sings) with my personal life as well as with as in

               my classroom.  And closely linked with acceptance is another hair inspired lesson centered 

               around...

           4.  Expectations.  Trying to predict the future will only get you hurt.

                I have written before about the problems of having expectations about how others were

                going to treat me.  I have been hurt because my expectations weren't based on reality but

                on how I think I should be treated.  Just as I accept the fact that I usually can't match the

                picture of how I want my hair to look with the way it turns out, I am trying to remember

                that  it is my reaction to how others treat me that will determine if I feel depressed and 

                disappointed, or (what I'm striving for) in control.  After all, it is up to me to jettison people   

                who hurt me out of my life.  If I continue to allow them to hurt me, then it is on me. 

          5.  Fear will fuck you up.

               This last lesson is worded a little harshly but true nonetheless.  I have never been afraid to

               change my hair.  Ever since I first cut my shoulder length hair to a pixie when I was 25, I 

               have loved changing my hair.  Whether it is color or style, I'm always willing to try some-

               thing new.  I find that often it is the hair stylist who is hesitant to try what I suggest for fear

              of me not liking it.  But I have the experience to know that if I don't like how my hair looks

              I can always change it.  Being afraid keeps you stuck with the same 'do you've had since 

              high school (which was hideous in my case!).  This is a lesson I'm trying to live every day.

              Going after my dreams has required me to let go of some big fears.  Right now I"m trying to

              let go of my fear of running in front of others at the gym. I know it sounds silly but when 

              you are a heavy person, all that extra jiggling and wobbling can be pretty intimidating.  But I 

              lace up and try to remember that other people have no interest whatsoever in me when they 

              are focused on their own training.  Fear probably has derailed more dreams than any other 

              factor, and I am working hard to keep it at bay as I look for a new house and pursue other 

              dreams.  

I never would have previously thought a seemingly mundane and vain topic like styling hair could be a source of good advice. But I promise my next blog article won't be on how the way I brush my teeth led me to an enlightened life.   If I had to sum it all up, I guess I could say that I now know that some days are better than others. And I'm okay with that.   

              

She

Once upon a time there was little girl...
she was meek and mild,
this middle child.

And though she loved being with others...
she often would turn her face and hide,
too timid and scared to confide.

No one could really tell...
for her childhood was far from poor,
she was loved to her very core.

But this calm, quiet and friendly child...
she daily fought a terror-filled battle inside,
always losing no matter how hard she tried.

As puberty hit, a young woman she became...
new inner complaints began to accrue,
hating herself was all she would do.

As music blasted from her stereo speakers...
the closed door was all they could see,
while she was focused on how to break free.

Once she made her escape there was no turning back...
her fragile heart broke open with misguided trust,
consistently confusing love with lust.

Experience made her wise in many ways...
she saw that life could be both beautiful and vile,
until risking her heart again was too much of a trial.

She went though the routine motions of living...
comforted by the assured unvarying flow,
pained by her seeming inability to grow.

Until one day she came to understand...
though everyone hurts and everyone fails in life,
the important thing was to rebound from the strife.

So she picked herself up from the hazy depths...
And as middle age slowly began to set in,
she finally figured out where she needed to begin.

As the stirring simple song spoke to her...   
She went to the doctor. She went to the mountains
She  looked to the children. She drank from the fountain

Forgiveness, gratitude, meditation, inner peace...
Balance became her number one priority,
and happily ever after she will live to be.